Tear-Stained

Once in the bathroom, the tears poured down and she threw her hand over her mouth to stifle her painful gasps. Where did this come from? she thought. Breath. Breath! she commanded herself and cautiously removed her  hand from her mouth, taking in deep breaths of air. "Control yourself," she whispered to her reflection as she frantically tried to hide all evidence of her tears. In a burst of what she thought what pure craziness, she started to laugh. "This is ridiculous," she muttered as her eyes shone a deep undeniable shade of green in the midst of bright red where they used to be white. "It's not like I can hide these eyes." Even as she said that she was running cold water over a cloth to cool her face and eyes. She took a few more deep breaths and decided this was the best she was going to look for at least half an hour, "so just suck it up, Lily," she muttered to herself.

"Lily?" she heard Chase question cautiously. "Lily, it's me, Chase. Come on. You don't have to hide from me like this." The mere act of his voicing this almost made Lily lose control again. She pressed her lips tightly together and one hand flung to her chest while the other secured itself to the wall.

Deep breaths, she continued to mutter. Deeeep breaths. "I....um... I...." she stammered trying to find strength to speak."

"Lily," Chase pleaded. "Lily, come on." Thinking she had herself under control, Lily opened the door, but the minute she looked Chase in the eyes, she collapsed into his arms.

"I.. I..." she stammered between uncontrollable gasps. "I can't! She... she... You can't make me! You can't!"

"Shh. Shh," Chase whispered. "Nobody is going to make you do anything," he said quietly as he guided her back into the living room couch. He continued to whisper comforting thoughts to her that she didn't register. She just felt the sadness taking over in a strange but comforted sleep and she drifted away to dreams of princes and dragons and war.

It appeared the volume in the dreams was so loud she didn't hear her dad coming in. She awoke the what she thought were the whispers of two knights sneaking out of an enemy prison, but as the voices registered, she recognized them as her dad talking in hushed tones with Chase. "It looks like she's waking up now," her father's voice said as her eyes struggled to adjust to this new reality."

"Dad?" she mumbled. She felt the comforting hands that had kept her safe through the dreams suddenly fly quickly away. Her eyes focused on her dad's face, which was changing from a state of concern to a state of  curious amusement. She followed his eyes to Chase, who seemed flustered and who was now easing her head to the sofa cushion and creeping conspicuously to the neighboring loveseat. "What? Umm..." she stuttered. "What's going on? What were you guys talking about?"

Dad's face now returned to the look of concern. "Honey, are you okay?" he asked.

Lily looked over at Chase who was now trying to draw attention away to his tear-stained t-shirt. He smiled quickly at Lily when he caught her studying him and directed her back to her dad. "I'm okay, Dad. I...," she wondered if this was the time to say this, but knew that without Chase here to guide her she might never get it out. "Dad."

"Yes?"

"Dad, I don't think I'll be going back to school in the fall."

"What!?" he exclaimed, caught off guard. "No. I don't..."

"No, Dad. That's not what I meant. I mean... I will be going back to school. I just won't be going back to that school." Her dad remained quiet, seemingly contemplating, trying to find reason, waiting for her explanation. "Do you remember that teacher in high school who wanted me to study linguistics in Maryland?" He nodded. "Well, I've thought it over, and I want to change my major." She looked quickly to Chase, suddenly panicked. Even she hadn't expected these to be the words coming out of her mouth. What happened to just for a semester or two until things passed? She cleared her throat. "Yes, well. Um, I want to study linguistics. They've got a great study abroad program in the final year. It will be an extra year of school, but you know, it's an amazing opportunity. Mrs. O'hara said it'd be no problem getting me in for the fall semester with her connections and my background." Lily's dad looked at her with a proud but still slightly distrusting smile. "Yes, I'm doing this in part because I plan to commute." He started to object, but she continued. "This past semester has been impossible. It was a struggle to keep my grades and my focus, and I wanted, needed really, to be closer to home. The professors were great, but they couldn't offer me my dad."

"But, pumpkin head," her dad objected quietly.

Lily smiled. "But nothing, Dad. It's all fallen into place in a way that I couldn't predict. There's only One who could be guiding this, right? Remember what you said when you left me at school last semester? About following God wherever his wind takes us? Well... the wind is blowing me back. So.... Let's make some dinner plans?" Now she was changing the subject, and Lily's dad and Chase seemed more than happy to simply leave it at that. God's will is a hard argument to fight against, afterall.